I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
