you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
