FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
