I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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