Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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