I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
