I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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