No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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