i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
