goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
