I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
