theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
