Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This baby is an asshole
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize