ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
