i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
