what day is it and did you see me today?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
