: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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