I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
cat food counts as protein by the way
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
