hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
