jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
