I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize