Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
