By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
