You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
