and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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