i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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