I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
