I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
