it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
