Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
