You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
