Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
