i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
