Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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