tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
