just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We left the knife in your bed.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
