never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
