I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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