return my video game
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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