glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
