I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
