weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
