pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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