so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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