I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
