I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
