Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
