winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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