I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
