Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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