I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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