The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
