I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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