you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
