she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize