She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize