I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
