Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
