I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
