If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
