Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
