Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm sobbing to NWA
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
