You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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