I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
