Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
