He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
