Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The air was thick with penises
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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