Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize