My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
