I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize