first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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