I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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