I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
