while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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