is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize