thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
