it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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