Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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