6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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