do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
