party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
