I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize