Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
