I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
