I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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