you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
