I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
