just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
