come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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