how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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