i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
