What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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