I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
