I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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