Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize