After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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