I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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