Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Screwed.edu
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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